Namaste Care for People Living with Advanced Dementia by Nicola Kendall

Author:Nicola Kendall
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784509750
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2019-09-28T16:00:00+00:00

Maintaining a carer’s own sense of identity

It is so incredibly easy for a carer’s sense of self to become lost to this label of ‘carer’. My heart goes out to family members whose own life can seem ‘on hold’ as they prioritise the needs of their loved one with dementia. I hear the ‘used to’ so often. ‘I used to enjoy going fishing, but I can’t get away now.’ ‘We used to love foreign holidays, but he couldn’t take the travel any more, which means I can’t go either.’ There are so many examples I could give along these lines. I can’t overstate the importance of finding a way to maintain hobbies, friendships, interests, and so on, whilst not pretending that finding solutions to enable this are always easy. It is an emotion that carers do not like speaking about, but resentment towards the person with dementia is natural and is only deepened if the carer doesn’t find a way to continue with aspects of their own life that are important to them.

The carer’s own personality will also contribute to the interplay of the dementia caring journey, and this requires an increased level of self-awareness and self-acceptance. If a wife has always been house-proud and has a need to be in control of things, for example, it can be incredibly challenging to accept the person living with dementia making a mess or not complying with instructions. Practising a mindful pause can help. It is not a personal affront on her standards: the person with dementia can’t help it, and there is no point in constantly telling them off about it and causing distress on both sides. Another example would be for a carer who has never found it easy to express how they feel about things. Being able to talk to someone and be honest about feelings may feel alien, but will be so helpful to ensure you get the support you need and deserve as a carer.

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